SIMON PEGG: Bringing zombie chic to the ShockWaves NME Awards

Hello, Simon. How are you going to spend the exorbitant fee we're paying you to present our awards with Nick Frost? It's basically free money.
"Absolutely - free money for having a great night at a great party. I will be putting it towards my forthcoming nuptials, later in the year, so I'll essentially be spending it on other people."

We'll be funding the starters at your nice sit-down meal, then?
"Yes. The prawn cocktails are on NME. But I'm very excited that I'm getting to go to one of the best parties - if not the best party - of the year, and I'm getting paid for it."

You don't have to say that just because you're hosting it, Simon. The money's safe.
"Oh no, not at all - I went to one a couple of years ago and it was just one of the best nights...I'm not just saying it. The Strokes were all there and I accosted one of them, while drunk. I can't remember what I said. I was drunk. 'Hello Julian...'"

Was it Julian?
"I don't know. It was one of the good-looking ones."

Not Albert.
"No."

Will you and Nick be writing new jokes for us or are you just intending to reel out the same gags you've been telling at other functions?
"Oh, I only have seven jokes (Presumably this is one of them - Ed). It will be fine, we're going through the script tomorrow. As far as I'm concerned, it's just about banging through it and getting to the party as quickly as possible."

You should just walk onstage, read out the names of the winners without pausing for breath, and then declare the party open.
"Exactly - and then shout, 'LET'S GO!' Yes."

As an interlude to all this awards talk: what's Hot Fuzz and is it anything to do with The Killers?
"Hot Fuzz is the working title of what might be a film. It's what we're kind of working on at the moment, but it's in very early stages and these things do tend to evolve. We're trying to deal with the cop action thriller this time, and there's not much tradition of that here in the UK."

Back to the awards chat - hosting awards is brilliant because if you don't agree with whoever wins you can just announce a different name, and afterwards everyone will be too embarrassed to point out the mistake. Let's pick some winners! Best Film.
"Shaun Of The Dead!"

Or...Spider-Man 2!
"Well, Spider-Man 2 is quite good, I mean there's a bit more of the crazy camera stuff in the second one, but it's still not as good as Shaun Of The Dead. School Of Rock, very good but not enough zombies. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind - again, brilliant, but no zombies. That's the criteria."

Best British Band: Kasabian, Snow Patrol, Muse, Libertines or Franz?
"That's quite tough but I'm going for Franz Ferdinand because they're from Glasgow and so is my girlfriend. If I don't say they should win I'll be beaten up in an alleyway. Then again, Snow Patrol are based in Glasgow. I'll just announce the winner as 'the Scottish band', and let them fight it out."

Ooooh. Villain Of The Year: Blair, Bush, Doherty, Hawkins or Wolfman.
"A wolfman or the Wolfman? Is he alive again? Technically I suppose the winner of this should be Pete but then I don't think he's a villain as much as someone who's made mistakes, whereas Bush is clearly a villain because he's a wild, dangerous autocrat hell-bent on the destruction of the world. Pete Doherty perhaps just likes having a good time."

Perhaps George Bush just likes having a good time, too. A bit of a laugh.
"He's a horrible man. The scariest man of our epoch. An idiot who's in charge of the most powerful nation in the world."

Worst Band.
"I would have to say Maroon 5 for this one, just because...hang on, are they going to be there? It's just that Maroon 5 purport to occupy an adult area. McFly and Busted, fair enough, they're pop bands, there's no point getting worked up about it, and they're getting children into guitar music so good on them both. But Maroon 5 - boring, shut up. It's like they've gatecrashed a really cool party, and everyone just stands around going, 'Who the fuck is this?'"

Finally, sexiest man. I'm afraid you're not in the running for this.
"I will be on the night, I'll tell you that. But let's go through the motions. I think of the nominees I'd probably go for Carl from The Libertines because he's got that slightly girly androgynous thing which, if you were pushed, you'd probably want to, er, go with. Morrissey was sexy in his prime - these days it's more about the cut of his suit. And I would like to state for the record that I will also be announcing Charlotte Hatherley as Sexiest Female, whether she's shortlisted or not. She is shortlisted? Oh, wonderful."

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